Thursday, September 11, 2008
Brush my teeth, mommy
"Mommy, after eating you have to wash your teeth at night before going to sleep, otherwise, when you wake up in the morning, you will have a booboo on your teeth and you need to see the dentist and you need to eat the medicine. Can you brush my teeth for me tonight?"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Need more rest..
Mom dropped Ryan at Little Bell today morning and then returned to Grandma's house. Mom was not able to drive Nai Nai to Parit Buntar today as mom needs to get some rest at home. Every Wednesday, mom will drive Nai Nai to the Acupuncture Centre located in Parit Buntar where Nai Nai gets her eye treatment. Nai Nai is having watery eyes and often have to wipe her tears throughout the day. Her tearing seems to be out of control. Lately Nai Nai claimed that her eyes are less watery after getting the treatments. She wants to continue the treatment until full recovery.
Mom did not bring up any conversation about baby with Ryan. Mom understood well how naive a child could be. To them, every morning is the start of a new day. Life goes on and they can't wait to grow up. One minute they will be drowning in sorrows and yet another minute you can see them wearing the sweetest smile in their faces.
Mom will stay positive and move on eventhough mom is still grieving from the loss.
Mom did not bring up any conversation about baby with Ryan. Mom understood well how naive a child could be. To them, every morning is the start of a new day. Life goes on and they can't wait to grow up. One minute they will be drowning in sorrows and yet another minute you can see them wearing the sweetest smile in their faces.
Mom will stay positive and move on eventhough mom is still grieving from the loss.
The devastating news
"Dr Ng has gone back already. If this is the case, can you come to the Emergency Ward tonite and call for Dr Ng? .... Otherwise, you can come to the night clinic. Dr Zo will be on duty."
The nurse has been very helpful and courteous too. She has arranged a slot for mom with Dr Zo at 7.40pm.
Mom needs to get a second opinion. The bleeding hadn't stopped since 11am and mom had since prepared for the worst. Ryan insisted to tag along with us to the hospital but mom refused to take Ryan along. "Ryan will have to stay with grandma and grandpa until papa and mom come back, ok?"
We arrived the hospital 10 mins late due to the traffic jam especially after office hour. However, there were not many patients at that time and infact, we were told to enter Dr Zo's room rightaway. After getting a short briefing from mom, Dr Zo did a thorough ultra sound scanning on mom. "This black round image is the water sac. But I can't see any life baby inside. There's big possibility that you are having a miscarriage with the amount of blood that you are discharging. Since there is no life baby, I'm not able to give you any injection to stop the bleeding. Rest at home. If the bleeding is heavy, come back. But if it's like your normal menses, then it's ok. I need to see you in two weeks time."
When we reached grandma's house, Ryan asked how was baby. Mom could only tell Ryan that baby has been very very sick and need to go to a place very very far away from here.
"But where?"
"Up to the sky, Ryan. To be a star."
"But why? I don't want baby to be a star." Ryan began to weep and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Grandma carried you to mom's car while mom placed your schoolbag in the back seat before we leave for home with Papa leading from the front.
The journey back home that night was filled with sadness. It was never this way before. Ryan's daily "drive home with mom" routine is always a joyful one. With Ryan in the car, mom's car stereo has long been reserved for Ryan and mom is never allowed to play any other grown-up songs (except for those that Ryan fancied), nor even switch to radio stations. Only nursery rhymes and children's songs are being played on mom's car stereo. But, never had mom got frustrated or bored with this before as mom has been appreciating and enjoying Ryan's every notes humming and songs singing ever since Ryan was one year plus.
"I don't want baby to be a star. I have to call the fireengine to take the star and crack it and let baby fly down to the ground, mommy", Ryan uttered angrily with tears in his eyes.
"But, the star is very very far from the earth and no one can ever reach the star, Ryan."
"I will ask the "Starman" to take it for me, mommy."
Mom had no idea how to respond to Ryan. Mom regretted telling Ryan that baby turned into a star. Ryan just couldn't take it. The news have been more devastating to Ryan than mom. As soon as we reached home, Ryan burst into tears and cried his heart out. Ryan was inconsolable for almost half an hour and mom's heart was shattered into pieces. Mom did not expect this to happen. Mom could only hug Ryan tightly in mom's arms.
The nurse has been very helpful and courteous too. She has arranged a slot for mom with Dr Zo at 7.40pm.
Mom needs to get a second opinion. The bleeding hadn't stopped since 11am and mom had since prepared for the worst. Ryan insisted to tag along with us to the hospital but mom refused to take Ryan along. "Ryan will have to stay with grandma and grandpa until papa and mom come back, ok?"
We arrived the hospital 10 mins late due to the traffic jam especially after office hour. However, there were not many patients at that time and infact, we were told to enter Dr Zo's room rightaway. After getting a short briefing from mom, Dr Zo did a thorough ultra sound scanning on mom. "This black round image is the water sac. But I can't see any life baby inside. There's big possibility that you are having a miscarriage with the amount of blood that you are discharging. Since there is no life baby, I'm not able to give you any injection to stop the bleeding. Rest at home. If the bleeding is heavy, come back. But if it's like your normal menses, then it's ok. I need to see you in two weeks time."
When we reached grandma's house, Ryan asked how was baby. Mom could only tell Ryan that baby has been very very sick and need to go to a place very very far away from here.
"But where?"
"Up to the sky, Ryan. To be a star."
"But why? I don't want baby to be a star." Ryan began to weep and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Grandma carried you to mom's car while mom placed your schoolbag in the back seat before we leave for home with Papa leading from the front.
The journey back home that night was filled with sadness. It was never this way before. Ryan's daily "drive home with mom" routine is always a joyful one. With Ryan in the car, mom's car stereo has long been reserved for Ryan and mom is never allowed to play any other grown-up songs (except for those that Ryan fancied), nor even switch to radio stations. Only nursery rhymes and children's songs are being played on mom's car stereo. But, never had mom got frustrated or bored with this before as mom has been appreciating and enjoying Ryan's every notes humming and songs singing ever since Ryan was one year plus.
"I don't want baby to be a star. I have to call the fireengine to take the star and crack it and let baby fly down to the ground, mommy", Ryan uttered angrily with tears in his eyes.
"But, the star is very very far from the earth and no one can ever reach the star, Ryan."
"I will ask the "Starman" to take it for me, mommy."
Mom had no idea how to respond to Ryan. Mom regretted telling Ryan that baby turned into a star. Ryan just couldn't take it. The news have been more devastating to Ryan than mom. As soon as we reached home, Ryan burst into tears and cried his heart out. Ryan was inconsolable for almost half an hour and mom's heart was shattered into pieces. Mom did not expect this to happen. Mom could only hug Ryan tightly in mom's arms.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Something was not right..
Mom was preparing to go to the office this morning but mom was not so sure about papa's plan whether to visit the furniture shop at Butterworth in the morning or afternoon. We are planning to place order for the marble top dining set today after mom visited the shop yesterday with our interior designer. Mom was quite impressed with the various designed of the crystal marble tops that they have and apparently, these are the most salable item in the shop.
OK, mom got a text reply from papa. 3pm we shall visit the shop again.
Mom suddenly felt something was not right. Mom went to the bathroom and was horrified to see the brown spotting. Mom quickly reached for grandma and we hurried to the maternity clinic which is just a walking distance from grandma's house. Mom text papa about what happened and papa called and asked to be updated on the outcome.
Dr Lee did the ultrasound scanning and only managed to see a vague image. He told me that it is still a very early stage of pregnancy now. He then requested mom to do the urine test which I told him that I have done that much earlier and showed my HPT to him. He said he needed a double confirmation. Again, the result showed two lines still and yet the other line was tad faint.
And he bagan to sound quite pessimist.
"It all depends on the baby. I'll give you some vitamins. Rest as much as possible. Let the baby grow."
"How about the bleeding?" mom asked.
"There's nothing much we can do up till here. Come again next week and we shall do the scanning again to track the development."
Mom's heart crashed and all mom could do now is to wait. This was what exactly happened five years ago. Same experience at almost the same time. Mom could still remember what happened on this date .. 11 September 2003. This is the date that Dr Quah did the abortion to mom when mom's first pregnancy didn't work out. There was no sound of heartbeat eventhough there was an image of a watersac with a tiny seed in mom's uterus. Mom had been having spotted bleeding for 3 days and mom could recall Dr Quah saying it was dangerous to hold on to it as it could lead to a miscarriage with excess loss of blood. That's why mom had to undergo the abortion to remove the nongrowing foetus.
Mom just hope BB will hang on to it and not giving up on life. Mom will love you always!
OK, mom got a text reply from papa. 3pm we shall visit the shop again.
Mom suddenly felt something was not right. Mom went to the bathroom and was horrified to see the brown spotting. Mom quickly reached for grandma and we hurried to the maternity clinic which is just a walking distance from grandma's house. Mom text papa about what happened and papa called and asked to be updated on the outcome.
Dr Lee did the ultrasound scanning and only managed to see a vague image. He told me that it is still a very early stage of pregnancy now. He then requested mom to do the urine test which I told him that I have done that much earlier and showed my HPT to him. He said he needed a double confirmation. Again, the result showed two lines still and yet the other line was tad faint.
And he bagan to sound quite pessimist.
"It all depends on the baby. I'll give you some vitamins. Rest as much as possible. Let the baby grow."
"How about the bleeding?" mom asked.
"There's nothing much we can do up till here. Come again next week and we shall do the scanning again to track the development."
Mom's heart crashed and all mom could do now is to wait. This was what exactly happened five years ago. Same experience at almost the same time. Mom could still remember what happened on this date .. 11 September 2003. This is the date that Dr Quah did the abortion to mom when mom's first pregnancy didn't work out. There was no sound of heartbeat eventhough there was an image of a watersac with a tiny seed in mom's uterus. Mom had been having spotted bleeding for 3 days and mom could recall Dr Quah saying it was dangerous to hold on to it as it could lead to a miscarriage with excess loss of blood. That's why mom had to undergo the abortion to remove the nongrowing foetus.
Mom just hope BB will hang on to it and not giving up on life. Mom will love you always!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Moon
Ryan woke up this morning and told mom about your dream.
"I dreamt about the moon... it was so huge and soooo big and so white with the shape of crescent. I don't want to look at it. It is like a floating boat in the sky, mommy!"
"I dreamt about the moon... it was so huge and soooo big and so white with the shape of crescent. I don't want to look at it. It is like a floating boat in the sky, mommy!"
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Finally, it's happening!
The last seven days had been a mystifying week. Mom anticipated menses to arrive but it didn't happen which then quite worried mom. Mom had been experiencing sporadic tummy discomfort that is similar to menstrual cramps. Still having it now tho. Days come and days go. At the same time, mom was really busy rushing to meet the dateline of mom's two assignments which were due on the 30th of August. Another assignment will be due on the 6th of September.
Yesterday, mom decided to drop by at the pharmacy to grab the HPT. Mom told Papa that tomorrow morning will be the day that mom had chosen to do the test. Afterall, whatever the result would turn out, the test still need to be done and life still goes on after that.
And indeed, last night was a tough night for mom. Full of mixed emotion and doubts, mom just hope there will not be a deja vu. The sleepless night made mom recall lotsa memory. Same time last year, mom had the same experience and the result turned out to be negative. This horriying experience has given mom a huge impact and resulted in mom taking a drastic action by quitting mom's previous job just 4 months back. Mom signed up for an MBA course early this year. Thanks to Ee Ya who persuaded mom to do so. And this past four months have been an enjoying one. Mom was able to spend more time with Ryan and our bonding seems to grow closer and closer each day. Mom had more time with Granma and Granpa too as only both of them are left staying in the house after Ee Ya took up an offer in KL and moved there in April. Mom could focus on the candle business and the best part is that mom could afford to start work late and come back early. Sometimes, mom just skip going to office and work from home instead. Mom helped Papa on the planning work for the renovation of our new house which is targeted to be completed by November. The timing for all of this was just so right.
Mom was already awake at 5am this morning. Mom lazed and tossed around for a about an hour with only one question in mom's head... What if the result is again negative? Mom walked to the laptop and found a pop up from the screen. It was Ee Ya who was awake since 4am. The crucial time has come and mom just have to do it. Mom waited anxiously with so much hope to see the two lines. First bold line appeared. Still no sign of the second line. Mom walked back to the room and continued chatting with Ee Ya. Then mom went back to the bathroom and took a second peep. Mom could see a faint line appearing slowly. What does this mean? Positive or negative? Mom thought. Getting excited, mom googled the images of those HPTs with positive outcome to make some comparison. When mom went back to the bathroom for the third time, the faint line appeared a little obvious. Here it goes..
Overjoyed, mom hastily text papa a short note knowing papa was still asleeping. Mom gave Ryan a peck on the head and walked out from the room heading downstairs to prepare your milk. Granma was in the kitchen. Mom broke the news to granma who was so glad to hear the news. After Ryan had finally finished up the last drop of milk in the bottle, mom told Ryan that there's a baby growing in mom's tummy. Ryan asked mom ... is the baby coming out now, and mom replied ... not now, Ryan. It would be next year 2009. And Ryan said, Huh? 2009, when I'm 5 years old? And Ryan giggled happily. "Hi Baby, this is Ryan. I'm your Kor Kor"
Yesterday, mom decided to drop by at the pharmacy to grab the HPT. Mom told Papa that tomorrow morning will be the day that mom had chosen to do the test. Afterall, whatever the result would turn out, the test still need to be done and life still goes on after that.
And indeed, last night was a tough night for mom. Full of mixed emotion and doubts, mom just hope there will not be a deja vu. The sleepless night made mom recall lotsa memory. Same time last year, mom had the same experience and the result turned out to be negative. This horriying experience has given mom a huge impact and resulted in mom taking a drastic action by quitting mom's previous job just 4 months back. Mom signed up for an MBA course early this year. Thanks to Ee Ya who persuaded mom to do so. And this past four months have been an enjoying one. Mom was able to spend more time with Ryan and our bonding seems to grow closer and closer each day. Mom had more time with Granma and Granpa too as only both of them are left staying in the house after Ee Ya took up an offer in KL and moved there in April. Mom could focus on the candle business and the best part is that mom could afford to start work late and come back early. Sometimes, mom just skip going to office and work from home instead. Mom helped Papa on the planning work for the renovation of our new house which is targeted to be completed by November. The timing for all of this was just so right.
Mom was already awake at 5am this morning. Mom lazed and tossed around for a about an hour with only one question in mom's head... What if the result is again negative? Mom walked to the laptop and found a pop up from the screen. It was Ee Ya who was awake since 4am. The crucial time has come and mom just have to do it. Mom waited anxiously with so much hope to see the two lines. First bold line appeared. Still no sign of the second line. Mom walked back to the room and continued chatting with Ee Ya. Then mom went back to the bathroom and took a second peep. Mom could see a faint line appearing slowly. What does this mean? Positive or negative? Mom thought. Getting excited, mom googled the images of those HPTs with positive outcome to make some comparison. When mom went back to the bathroom for the third time, the faint line appeared a little obvious. Here it goes..
Overjoyed, mom hastily text papa a short note knowing papa was still asleeping. Mom gave Ryan a peck on the head and walked out from the room heading downstairs to prepare your milk. Granma was in the kitchen. Mom broke the news to granma who was so glad to hear the news. After Ryan had finally finished up the last drop of milk in the bottle, mom told Ryan that there's a baby growing in mom's tummy. Ryan asked mom ... is the baby coming out now, and mom replied ... not now, Ryan. It would be next year 2009. And Ryan said, Huh? 2009, when I'm 5 years old? And Ryan giggled happily. "Hi Baby, this is Ryan. I'm your Kor Kor"
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Beach time..
Ryan was so excited when we decided to go to the beach today evening. It was quite a hazy day. In fact, it has been hazy this whole week due to the forest fire in Sumatra island. No wonder, Ryan is having a slow recovery from his cough and flu.
Mom purposely took the picture of the hazy sky and post it here. Due to the hazy sky, we didn't spend a long time on the beach either. The beach we went is called Pantai Bersih located along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road. We stopped at the R&R after the 2nd toll from Inderawasih. The beach was clean and there were a lot of people too. We could see a group of people flying kites at one corner. There were many children running along the beach.
Hazy sky
My precious
Let's play soccer, Granpapa
Even though it was hazy, Granma still couldn't stand the blazing sun shining thru the hazy sky. Anyway, Granma was not feeling well too. She has migraine and was having a high temperature too.
Oh no.. Papa, my bottom is wet! And mommy forgot to bring extra shorts for Ryan.
Papa, please hold the watering can for me..
Mommy, here I come..
Say cheese..
Mom purposely took the picture of the hazy sky and post it here. Due to the hazy sky, we didn't spend a long time on the beach either. The beach we went is called Pantai Bersih located along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road. We stopped at the R&R after the 2nd toll from Inderawasih. The beach was clean and there were a lot of people too. We could see a group of people flying kites at one corner. There were many children running along the beach.
Hazy sky
My precious
Let's play soccer, Granpapa
Even though it was hazy, Granma still couldn't stand the blazing sun shining thru the hazy sky. Anyway, Granma was not feeling well too. She has migraine and was having a high temperature too.
Oh no.. Papa, my bottom is wet! And mommy forgot to bring extra shorts for Ryan.
Papa, please hold the watering can for me..
Mommy, here I come..
Say cheese..
Friday, August 8, 2008
Granpapa changed the channel..
Mom came back from dancing class awhile ago and granma told mom that Ryan had a fight with granpapa over the Astro TV channel 'again'.. Mom used the word 'again' because this is not something unusual. It's been happening on and off to papa and sometimes to mom too.
Tonite is the opening ceremony of Beijing 2008 Olympic Games and granpapa wanted to watch the amazing show. Ryan screamed and shouted at granpapa for changing the channel.
This is not right, Ryan. You must show the respect for the elders, isn't it? Anyway, Granma told mom that Ryan had apologized to Granpapa. Now, that's a clever boy!
Tonite is the opening ceremony of Beijing 2008 Olympic Games and granpapa wanted to watch the amazing show. Ryan screamed and shouted at granpapa for changing the channel.
This is not right, Ryan. You must show the respect for the elders, isn't it? Anyway, Granma told mom that Ryan had apologized to Granpapa. Now, that's a clever boy!
Beijing 2008 Olympic Games
Beijing 2008 Olympic Games start today :- 8th of August, 2008 at 8pm. This is cool.. a really special date ... see 08-08-08 08.00PM. Here's the slogan..
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Ryan to perform during the upcoming annual concert
We arrived school quite early today. As usual, mom will accompany Ryan to the door and wait for Ryan to take off your shoes and place them nicely in the shoe rack before mom wave goodbye and return to mom's car. It's our normal routine during the weekdays.
Today was a little special. Mom could see Teacher Renu waving to mom from the side mirror of mom's car while walking towards the car. Mom quickly wound down the windscreen and attended to Teacher Renu.
Oh... She requested for Ryan to perform during the upcoming Little Bell Montessori Annual Concert. She has asked mom whether Ryan could perform a song or do a story telling.
"Ryan is talented and we would like to allocate a slot for him during the concert which will be held in the coming October. Can you train him up?" Teacher Renu asked.
"Well sure, I will try my best, Teacher Renu." Mom responded.. "But, is he also involved in a group dance or something like that?" Mom continued.
"Ya.. But we want him to perform solo too."
This is just awesome, Ryan! Mom just couldn't stop thinking of what songs could Ryan perform for the concert. What if Ryan refused to perform. Mom remembered showing Ryan the You Tube video clip of Little Connie Talbot singing "Over the Rainbow" and when mom asked if Ryan was afraid to sing on stage, Ryan answered "No".
Mom knew this could be the chance for Ryan to sing on stage and mom and dad would really keen to know if Ryan enjoyed doing this. Ryan has shown such a deep passion on music and singing and we seriously would like to develop and enhance these skills in you, son.
Today was a little special. Mom could see Teacher Renu waving to mom from the side mirror of mom's car while walking towards the car. Mom quickly wound down the windscreen and attended to Teacher Renu.
Oh... She requested for Ryan to perform during the upcoming Little Bell Montessori Annual Concert. She has asked mom whether Ryan could perform a song or do a story telling.
"Ryan is talented and we would like to allocate a slot for him during the concert which will be held in the coming October. Can you train him up?" Teacher Renu asked.
"Well sure, I will try my best, Teacher Renu." Mom responded.. "But, is he also involved in a group dance or something like that?" Mom continued.
"Ya.. But we want him to perform solo too."
This is just awesome, Ryan! Mom just couldn't stop thinking of what songs could Ryan perform for the concert. What if Ryan refused to perform. Mom remembered showing Ryan the You Tube video clip of Little Connie Talbot singing "Over the Rainbow" and when mom asked if Ryan was afraid to sing on stage, Ryan answered "No".
Mom knew this could be the chance for Ryan to sing on stage and mom and dad would really keen to know if Ryan enjoyed doing this. Ryan has shown such a deep passion on music and singing and we seriously would like to develop and enhance these skills in you, son.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
"But, I just wanna play drum"
"Mommy, just now teacher Jenthi scolded Ryan and Ryan cried."
"Why, what happened, Ryan?"
"Ryan was beating other children's bags, mommy."
"Why did you do that, sweetheart?"
"Because I was playing the "drum" and it was fun."
"But teacher Jenthi said, Ryan and Kok Keong, cannot go back home today!" "So I cried, mommy."
"But, Ryan, you are big boy now and you mustn't cry at school. You must behave yourself, isn't it. Do you think it is wrong to beat other children's bag, Ryan?"
"Yes, mommy. But I just wanna play drum."
"Why, what happened, Ryan?"
"Ryan was beating other children's bags, mommy."
"Why did you do that, sweetheart?"
"Because I was playing the "drum" and it was fun."
"But teacher Jenthi said, Ryan and Kok Keong, cannot go back home today!" "So I cried, mommy."
"But, Ryan, you are big boy now and you mustn't cry at school. You must behave yourself, isn't it. Do you think it is wrong to beat other children's bag, Ryan?"
"Yes, mommy. But I just wanna play drum."
Monday, July 28, 2008
Ryan's First Underpants
Gosh... It's been a long time since mom last updated the entries in this blog. There were so many stuff that mom would like to write but just didn't know where to start back.
Let's see... Now, this would be interesting. Ryan wore your first underpants to the nursery this morning. You were so excited and you told mom that you would tell Jin Hong, your classmate, about your new underpants. And mom said, "Please remember not to show your underpants to everyone in the class, alright.. It's gonna be shameful, sweetheart". Ryan replied, "OK, mommy".
Just last week, Ryan pestered mom to get you a pair of underpants. Mom was thinking whether it was too early for you to be wearing one. But while mom was about to pay for 2 boxes of Enfakid milk at the cashier counter in the shop (that mom used to frequent) last Friday, the sight of some neatly arranged boys' brief in one of the shelves somehow caught mom's eyes and mom quickly placed the 2 bulky boxes on the cashier counter and walked straight to the shelf. Suddenly mom heard Granma said "Go for the L size"... when she saw mom picking up the underpants of the smallest size. Oops... Mom suddenly felt ashame as mom was with zero experience in that matter. Nevertheless, it's been a great experience. Mom just hope that Ryan would like them very much. They came in 3 pairs; white, beige and grey.
And on that same afternoon, mom waited patiently for Ryan to return home from the nursery. And when Uncle Yap's van arrived at the door step, Granma carried you down from the van and inside the house. The moment mom saw Ryan, mom uttered.. "Hi there Ryan! Mommy has a surprise for you. Can you close your eyes?" Ryan closed both his eyes so tightly and walked to our living room and with his smiling cheeks. "Now, open your eyes and there you go.. Do you know what they are?", mom asked. "Underpants! Thank You, Mommy!" yelled Ryan with his high pitch.
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