Thursday, September 11, 2008
Brush my teeth, mommy
"Mommy, after eating you have to wash your teeth at night before going to sleep, otherwise, when you wake up in the morning, you will have a booboo on your teeth and you need to see the dentist and you need to eat the medicine. Can you brush my teeth for me tonight?"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Need more rest..
Mom dropped Ryan at Little Bell today morning and then returned to Grandma's house. Mom was not able to drive Nai Nai to Parit Buntar today as mom needs to get some rest at home. Every Wednesday, mom will drive Nai Nai to the Acupuncture Centre located in Parit Buntar where Nai Nai gets her eye treatment. Nai Nai is having watery eyes and often have to wipe her tears throughout the day. Her tearing seems to be out of control. Lately Nai Nai claimed that her eyes are less watery after getting the treatments. She wants to continue the treatment until full recovery.
Mom did not bring up any conversation about baby with Ryan. Mom understood well how naive a child could be. To them, every morning is the start of a new day. Life goes on and they can't wait to grow up. One minute they will be drowning in sorrows and yet another minute you can see them wearing the sweetest smile in their faces.
Mom will stay positive and move on eventhough mom is still grieving from the loss.
Mom did not bring up any conversation about baby with Ryan. Mom understood well how naive a child could be. To them, every morning is the start of a new day. Life goes on and they can't wait to grow up. One minute they will be drowning in sorrows and yet another minute you can see them wearing the sweetest smile in their faces.
Mom will stay positive and move on eventhough mom is still grieving from the loss.
The devastating news
"Dr Ng has gone back already. If this is the case, can you come to the Emergency Ward tonite and call for Dr Ng? .... Otherwise, you can come to the night clinic. Dr Zo will be on duty."
The nurse has been very helpful and courteous too. She has arranged a slot for mom with Dr Zo at 7.40pm.
Mom needs to get a second opinion. The bleeding hadn't stopped since 11am and mom had since prepared for the worst. Ryan insisted to tag along with us to the hospital but mom refused to take Ryan along. "Ryan will have to stay with grandma and grandpa until papa and mom come back, ok?"
We arrived the hospital 10 mins late due to the traffic jam especially after office hour. However, there were not many patients at that time and infact, we were told to enter Dr Zo's room rightaway. After getting a short briefing from mom, Dr Zo did a thorough ultra sound scanning on mom. "This black round image is the water sac. But I can't see any life baby inside. There's big possibility that you are having a miscarriage with the amount of blood that you are discharging. Since there is no life baby, I'm not able to give you any injection to stop the bleeding. Rest at home. If the bleeding is heavy, come back. But if it's like your normal menses, then it's ok. I need to see you in two weeks time."
When we reached grandma's house, Ryan asked how was baby. Mom could only tell Ryan that baby has been very very sick and need to go to a place very very far away from here.
"But where?"
"Up to the sky, Ryan. To be a star."
"But why? I don't want baby to be a star." Ryan began to weep and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Grandma carried you to mom's car while mom placed your schoolbag in the back seat before we leave for home with Papa leading from the front.
The journey back home that night was filled with sadness. It was never this way before. Ryan's daily "drive home with mom" routine is always a joyful one. With Ryan in the car, mom's car stereo has long been reserved for Ryan and mom is never allowed to play any other grown-up songs (except for those that Ryan fancied), nor even switch to radio stations. Only nursery rhymes and children's songs are being played on mom's car stereo. But, never had mom got frustrated or bored with this before as mom has been appreciating and enjoying Ryan's every notes humming and songs singing ever since Ryan was one year plus.
"I don't want baby to be a star. I have to call the fireengine to take the star and crack it and let baby fly down to the ground, mommy", Ryan uttered angrily with tears in his eyes.
"But, the star is very very far from the earth and no one can ever reach the star, Ryan."
"I will ask the "Starman" to take it for me, mommy."
Mom had no idea how to respond to Ryan. Mom regretted telling Ryan that baby turned into a star. Ryan just couldn't take it. The news have been more devastating to Ryan than mom. As soon as we reached home, Ryan burst into tears and cried his heart out. Ryan was inconsolable for almost half an hour and mom's heart was shattered into pieces. Mom did not expect this to happen. Mom could only hug Ryan tightly in mom's arms.
The nurse has been very helpful and courteous too. She has arranged a slot for mom with Dr Zo at 7.40pm.
Mom needs to get a second opinion. The bleeding hadn't stopped since 11am and mom had since prepared for the worst. Ryan insisted to tag along with us to the hospital but mom refused to take Ryan along. "Ryan will have to stay with grandma and grandpa until papa and mom come back, ok?"
We arrived the hospital 10 mins late due to the traffic jam especially after office hour. However, there were not many patients at that time and infact, we were told to enter Dr Zo's room rightaway. After getting a short briefing from mom, Dr Zo did a thorough ultra sound scanning on mom. "This black round image is the water sac. But I can't see any life baby inside. There's big possibility that you are having a miscarriage with the amount of blood that you are discharging. Since there is no life baby, I'm not able to give you any injection to stop the bleeding. Rest at home. If the bleeding is heavy, come back. But if it's like your normal menses, then it's ok. I need to see you in two weeks time."
When we reached grandma's house, Ryan asked how was baby. Mom could only tell Ryan that baby has been very very sick and need to go to a place very very far away from here.
"But where?"
"Up to the sky, Ryan. To be a star."
"But why? I don't want baby to be a star." Ryan began to weep and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Grandma carried you to mom's car while mom placed your schoolbag in the back seat before we leave for home with Papa leading from the front.
The journey back home that night was filled with sadness. It was never this way before. Ryan's daily "drive home with mom" routine is always a joyful one. With Ryan in the car, mom's car stereo has long been reserved for Ryan and mom is never allowed to play any other grown-up songs (except for those that Ryan fancied), nor even switch to radio stations. Only nursery rhymes and children's songs are being played on mom's car stereo. But, never had mom got frustrated or bored with this before as mom has been appreciating and enjoying Ryan's every notes humming and songs singing ever since Ryan was one year plus.
"I don't want baby to be a star. I have to call the fireengine to take the star and crack it and let baby fly down to the ground, mommy", Ryan uttered angrily with tears in his eyes.
"But, the star is very very far from the earth and no one can ever reach the star, Ryan."
"I will ask the "Starman" to take it for me, mommy."
Mom had no idea how to respond to Ryan. Mom regretted telling Ryan that baby turned into a star. Ryan just couldn't take it. The news have been more devastating to Ryan than mom. As soon as we reached home, Ryan burst into tears and cried his heart out. Ryan was inconsolable for almost half an hour and mom's heart was shattered into pieces. Mom did not expect this to happen. Mom could only hug Ryan tightly in mom's arms.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Something was not right..
Mom was preparing to go to the office this morning but mom was not so sure about papa's plan whether to visit the furniture shop at Butterworth in the morning or afternoon. We are planning to place order for the marble top dining set today after mom visited the shop yesterday with our interior designer. Mom was quite impressed with the various designed of the crystal marble tops that they have and apparently, these are the most salable item in the shop.
OK, mom got a text reply from papa. 3pm we shall visit the shop again.
Mom suddenly felt something was not right. Mom went to the bathroom and was horrified to see the brown spotting. Mom quickly reached for grandma and we hurried to the maternity clinic which is just a walking distance from grandma's house. Mom text papa about what happened and papa called and asked to be updated on the outcome.
Dr Lee did the ultrasound scanning and only managed to see a vague image. He told me that it is still a very early stage of pregnancy now. He then requested mom to do the urine test which I told him that I have done that much earlier and showed my HPT to him. He said he needed a double confirmation. Again, the result showed two lines still and yet the other line was tad faint.
And he bagan to sound quite pessimist.
"It all depends on the baby. I'll give you some vitamins. Rest as much as possible. Let the baby grow."
"How about the bleeding?" mom asked.
"There's nothing much we can do up till here. Come again next week and we shall do the scanning again to track the development."
Mom's heart crashed and all mom could do now is to wait. This was what exactly happened five years ago. Same experience at almost the same time. Mom could still remember what happened on this date .. 11 September 2003. This is the date that Dr Quah did the abortion to mom when mom's first pregnancy didn't work out. There was no sound of heartbeat eventhough there was an image of a watersac with a tiny seed in mom's uterus. Mom had been having spotted bleeding for 3 days and mom could recall Dr Quah saying it was dangerous to hold on to it as it could lead to a miscarriage with excess loss of blood. That's why mom had to undergo the abortion to remove the nongrowing foetus.
Mom just hope BB will hang on to it and not giving up on life. Mom will love you always!
OK, mom got a text reply from papa. 3pm we shall visit the shop again.
Mom suddenly felt something was not right. Mom went to the bathroom and was horrified to see the brown spotting. Mom quickly reached for grandma and we hurried to the maternity clinic which is just a walking distance from grandma's house. Mom text papa about what happened and papa called and asked to be updated on the outcome.
Dr Lee did the ultrasound scanning and only managed to see a vague image. He told me that it is still a very early stage of pregnancy now. He then requested mom to do the urine test which I told him that I have done that much earlier and showed my HPT to him. He said he needed a double confirmation. Again, the result showed two lines still and yet the other line was tad faint.
And he bagan to sound quite pessimist.
"It all depends on the baby. I'll give you some vitamins. Rest as much as possible. Let the baby grow."
"How about the bleeding?" mom asked.
"There's nothing much we can do up till here. Come again next week and we shall do the scanning again to track the development."
Mom's heart crashed and all mom could do now is to wait. This was what exactly happened five years ago. Same experience at almost the same time. Mom could still remember what happened on this date .. 11 September 2003. This is the date that Dr Quah did the abortion to mom when mom's first pregnancy didn't work out. There was no sound of heartbeat eventhough there was an image of a watersac with a tiny seed in mom's uterus. Mom had been having spotted bleeding for 3 days and mom could recall Dr Quah saying it was dangerous to hold on to it as it could lead to a miscarriage with excess loss of blood. That's why mom had to undergo the abortion to remove the nongrowing foetus.
Mom just hope BB will hang on to it and not giving up on life. Mom will love you always!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Moon
Ryan woke up this morning and told mom about your dream.
"I dreamt about the moon... it was so huge and soooo big and so white with the shape of crescent. I don't want to look at it. It is like a floating boat in the sky, mommy!"
"I dreamt about the moon... it was so huge and soooo big and so white with the shape of crescent. I don't want to look at it. It is like a floating boat in the sky, mommy!"
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Finally, it's happening!
The last seven days had been a mystifying week. Mom anticipated menses to arrive but it didn't happen which then quite worried mom. Mom had been experiencing sporadic tummy discomfort that is similar to menstrual cramps. Still having it now tho. Days come and days go. At the same time, mom was really busy rushing to meet the dateline of mom's two assignments which were due on the 30th of August. Another assignment will be due on the 6th of September.
Yesterday, mom decided to drop by at the pharmacy to grab the HPT. Mom told Papa that tomorrow morning will be the day that mom had chosen to do the test. Afterall, whatever the result would turn out, the test still need to be done and life still goes on after that.
And indeed, last night was a tough night for mom. Full of mixed emotion and doubts, mom just hope there will not be a deja vu. The sleepless night made mom recall lotsa memory. Same time last year, mom had the same experience and the result turned out to be negative. This horriying experience has given mom a huge impact and resulted in mom taking a drastic action by quitting mom's previous job just 4 months back. Mom signed up for an MBA course early this year. Thanks to Ee Ya who persuaded mom to do so. And this past four months have been an enjoying one. Mom was able to spend more time with Ryan and our bonding seems to grow closer and closer each day. Mom had more time with Granma and Granpa too as only both of them are left staying in the house after Ee Ya took up an offer in KL and moved there in April. Mom could focus on the candle business and the best part is that mom could afford to start work late and come back early. Sometimes, mom just skip going to office and work from home instead. Mom helped Papa on the planning work for the renovation of our new house which is targeted to be completed by November. The timing for all of this was just so right.
Mom was already awake at 5am this morning. Mom lazed and tossed around for a about an hour with only one question in mom's head... What if the result is again negative? Mom walked to the laptop and found a pop up from the screen. It was Ee Ya who was awake since 4am. The crucial time has come and mom just have to do it. Mom waited anxiously with so much hope to see the two lines. First bold line appeared. Still no sign of the second line. Mom walked back to the room and continued chatting with Ee Ya. Then mom went back to the bathroom and took a second peep. Mom could see a faint line appearing slowly. What does this mean? Positive or negative? Mom thought. Getting excited, mom googled the images of those HPTs with positive outcome to make some comparison. When mom went back to the bathroom for the third time, the faint line appeared a little obvious. Here it goes..
Overjoyed, mom hastily text papa a short note knowing papa was still asleeping. Mom gave Ryan a peck on the head and walked out from the room heading downstairs to prepare your milk. Granma was in the kitchen. Mom broke the news to granma who was so glad to hear the news. After Ryan had finally finished up the last drop of milk in the bottle, mom told Ryan that there's a baby growing in mom's tummy. Ryan asked mom ... is the baby coming out now, and mom replied ... not now, Ryan. It would be next year 2009. And Ryan said, Huh? 2009, when I'm 5 years old? And Ryan giggled happily. "Hi Baby, this is Ryan. I'm your Kor Kor"
Yesterday, mom decided to drop by at the pharmacy to grab the HPT. Mom told Papa that tomorrow morning will be the day that mom had chosen to do the test. Afterall, whatever the result would turn out, the test still need to be done and life still goes on after that.
And indeed, last night was a tough night for mom. Full of mixed emotion and doubts, mom just hope there will not be a deja vu. The sleepless night made mom recall lotsa memory. Same time last year, mom had the same experience and the result turned out to be negative. This horriying experience has given mom a huge impact and resulted in mom taking a drastic action by quitting mom's previous job just 4 months back. Mom signed up for an MBA course early this year. Thanks to Ee Ya who persuaded mom to do so. And this past four months have been an enjoying one. Mom was able to spend more time with Ryan and our bonding seems to grow closer and closer each day. Mom had more time with Granma and Granpa too as only both of them are left staying in the house after Ee Ya took up an offer in KL and moved there in April. Mom could focus on the candle business and the best part is that mom could afford to start work late and come back early. Sometimes, mom just skip going to office and work from home instead. Mom helped Papa on the planning work for the renovation of our new house which is targeted to be completed by November. The timing for all of this was just so right.
Mom was already awake at 5am this morning. Mom lazed and tossed around for a about an hour with only one question in mom's head... What if the result is again negative? Mom walked to the laptop and found a pop up from the screen. It was Ee Ya who was awake since 4am. The crucial time has come and mom just have to do it. Mom waited anxiously with so much hope to see the two lines. First bold line appeared. Still no sign of the second line. Mom walked back to the room and continued chatting with Ee Ya. Then mom went back to the bathroom and took a second peep. Mom could see a faint line appearing slowly. What does this mean? Positive or negative? Mom thought. Getting excited, mom googled the images of those HPTs with positive outcome to make some comparison. When mom went back to the bathroom for the third time, the faint line appeared a little obvious. Here it goes..
Overjoyed, mom hastily text papa a short note knowing papa was still asleeping. Mom gave Ryan a peck on the head and walked out from the room heading downstairs to prepare your milk. Granma was in the kitchen. Mom broke the news to granma who was so glad to hear the news. After Ryan had finally finished up the last drop of milk in the bottle, mom told Ryan that there's a baby growing in mom's tummy. Ryan asked mom ... is the baby coming out now, and mom replied ... not now, Ryan. It would be next year 2009. And Ryan said, Huh? 2009, when I'm 5 years old? And Ryan giggled happily. "Hi Baby, this is Ryan. I'm your Kor Kor"
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